​Between responsibilities, work demands, relationships, and emotional ups and downs, it’s not surprising that we face moments of chaos and uncertainty. When that state of chaos becomes the norm, things get dicey and we can become run down and stuck in overwhelm.
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​Eventually it starts to feel like all of the ease and joy has been sucked out of life.

One of the first responses our mind has to stressful situations is to tell stories about why we deserve it, that we’re justified in feeling the way we do, and then it seals the deal by showing how unlikely it is that we’ll be able to turn things around. And we believe every negative word we tell ourselves!

To begin revising this inner dialogue to one that is more supportive, consider this quote from Byron Katie:

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”
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Not believing our thoughts is definitely the simplest path to peace, however, it takes lots of practice and that’s where it’s essential to be patient and persistent.

When we’re looking for ways out of a bad cycle it can often feel like we have to do something major like change jobs, find new friends, move to a different city, end a relationship, stop eating foods we enjoy… And generally, that just adds to the pressure and keeps us from taking any action at all.
Here’s what to do!
Find one small thing you can commit to everyday such as...

• Drinking more water
• Sitting in stillness for 5 minutes
• Prioritize sleep (even going to bed 20 minutes earlier can make a difference)
• Add in more veggies
• Take 3 deep breaths 5 times a day
• Walk for 15 minutes (then gradually work up to 30)

 
Even if you eventually add in more of these habits, start with one that feels easiest and most fun to you. By doing that you set yourself up for success because you are much more likely to stick with it.

​Self-kindness--the most important one of all! There are few things more demotivating than criticism, and that includes our own inner critics who tend to be the harshest. The words we use are shaped by the beliefs we hold and together they create our experience. Or as Mahatma Gandhi said:

Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny. 

If you're done feeling stuck and are ready to create your destiny, the easy next step is to schedule your free consultation with me. In our call you will learn more about what is stopping you from reaching your most important goals and how you can take action to move forward right away.

Expectation, and it’s close cousin perfectionism, can suck the life out of any party.  Take the holidays for instance, which really have a lot going for them: twinkling lights, festive decorations, special foods, a chance to step out of the normal routine, and opportunities to honor your friends, family, and religion or belief systems.  Yet somehow we lose sight of what’s important and get swept up in things like:
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• Spending days and days looking for the perfect gift for everyone
• Redoing the decorations 10 times to get them right
• Feeling like everyone should be happy and getting along, and then being disappointed when they aren’t
• Driving 2 hours to pick up the ‘best’ prosciutto for your party
• Stressing over how to get your cookies to look like Martha Stewart’s

​Not too many Christmases ago I was one of the leading members of the “lets make the holidays as crazy as possible club” and one thing I learned first hand is that expectations can be easily derailed by any number of outside forces.  The best laid plans don’t stand a chance against:​

Time (sometimes there just simply isn’t enough to get everything done in a healthy, relatively calm way)

Other People (when their expectations clash with ours all hell can break loose)  

Money (our vision of how we want to spend on presents, celebrations, and travel quite often exceeds what’s in the bank)

There is nothing wrong with getting swept up in holiday preparations and celebrations!  However, you want to watch out for warning signs that your preparations are leaving you depleted rather than exhilarated.  If you notice you are more focused on things like accumulating presents for the ones you love than being present for the ones you love, here are some ways to release expectations during the holiday time:

Pay Attention to what matters.  Yes presents are fun (I love them!), however the truth is if you disappeared before presents were exchanged no one is going to mourn not receiving the latest electronic, game, sweater, tie, chocolates, etc…  They are going to mourn the absence of you.  The greatest gift you can give is to show up fully for the people who matter to you.
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Pause and notice the things you appreciate most about this time.  Do you love the lights, music, time with friends or family?  What you focus on will grow and expand, so the more you are connecting to the positive the more positive you will feel.  (Yes it is that simple!)
Breathe.  Three deep breaths will allow your body to reconnect with what if feels like to let stress go--even if it’s just for a moment
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Say No… simplify your schedule by not saying yes to every event and invitation.  
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Trade In how you think it "should" be for appreciation for what you have.  So often we’re in a race to make things happen a certain way and we miss the amazing moments in front of us.
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Say adios to perfection.  Good enough is way more relaxing than setting unrealistic, crazy-making standards that have you running in 1000 different directions to achieve them.
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Hang Out with your pet, or borrow a friend's!  Animals couldn't care less about the holidays, their joy comes from a much simpler source of love and connection.  Giving them love and watching their joy expand can be very soothing to jangled nerves.

By taking care of yourself first you get to give the best gift of all: being fully connected to yourself and therefore able to fully connect with others.

​And on that note... Happy Holidays!!

Try these actions when you find yourself pulled into the comparison trap:​

| Let go of perfectionism.  There is no such thing as perfect (seriously, do you know anyone who does everything right, all the time?).

| Take action.  Even one small step toward your goal or one positive thought toward yourself can stop comparison in its tracks.

| Focus on your strengths.  Comparing our weakest skills to others’ strengths is an instant downer.

| Actively practice gratitude.  When you turn your attention to what is going well you will open yourself up to seeing more possibilities.

The first step to empowered living is being able to clearly see what’s stopping you from empowered actions.  What we can see we can change.

It can be challenging to see these blocks for ourselves!  If you are ready to create more confidence and ease in your life, sign up for a free consultation with me.  This empowering conversation is for people who are ready to make themselves a priority, and is a great opportunity for anyone who wants more clarity for their desires and their challenges!  Simply click here to grab your time. 

I’d love to hear from you!  Let me know which of the action steps you found most effective in the comments below.