Expectation, and it’s close cousin perfectionism, can suck the life out of any party.  Take the holidays for instance, which really have a lot going for them: twinkling lights, festive decorations, special foods, a chance to step out of the normal routine, and opportunities to honor your friends, family, and religion or belief systems.  Yet somehow we lose sight of what’s important and get swept up in things like:
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• Spending days and days looking for the perfect gift for everyone
• Redoing the decorations 10 times to get them right
• Feeling like everyone should be happy and getting along, and then being disappointed when they aren’t
• Driving 2 hours to pick up the ‘best’ prosciutto for your party
• Stressing over how to get your cookies to look like Martha Stewart’s

​Not too many Christmases ago I was one of the leading members of the “lets make the holidays as crazy as possible club” and one thing I learned first hand is that expectations can be easily derailed by any number of outside forces.  The best laid plans don’t stand a chance against:​

Time (sometimes there just simply isn’t enough to get everything done in a healthy, relatively calm way)

Other People (when their expectations clash with ours all hell can break loose)  

Money (our vision of how we want to spend on presents, celebrations, and travel quite often exceeds what’s in the bank)

There is nothing wrong with getting swept up in holiday preparations and celebrations!  However, you want to watch out for warning signs that your preparations are leaving you depleted rather than exhilarated.  If you notice you are more focused on things like accumulating presents for the ones you love than being present for the ones you love, here are some ways to release expectations during the holiday time:

Pay Attention to what matters.  Yes presents are fun (I love them!), however the truth is if you disappeared before presents were exchanged no one is going to mourn not receiving the latest electronic, game, sweater, tie, chocolates, etc…  They are going to mourn the absence of you.  The greatest gift you can give is to show up fully for the people who matter to you.
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Pause and notice the things you appreciate most about this time.  Do you love the lights, music, time with friends or family?  What you focus on will grow and expand, so the more you are connecting to the positive the more positive you will feel.  (Yes it is that simple!)
Breathe.  Three deep breaths will allow your body to reconnect with what if feels like to let stress go--even if it’s just for a moment
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Say No… simplify your schedule by not saying yes to every event and invitation.  
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Trade In how you think it "should" be for appreciation for what you have.  So often we’re in a race to make things happen a certain way and we miss the amazing moments in front of us.
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Say adios to perfection.  Good enough is way more relaxing than setting unrealistic, crazy-making standards that have you running in 1000 different directions to achieve them.
                                              ~~~~~

Hang Out with your pet, or borrow a friend's!  Animals couldn't care less about the holidays, their joy comes from a much simpler source of love and connection.  Giving them love and watching their joy expand can be very soothing to jangled nerves.

By taking care of yourself first you get to give the best gift of all: being fully connected to yourself and therefore able to fully connect with others.

​And on that note... Happy Holidays!!

Last week I said goodbye to an old friend.  Her name was Rosie and she was a wonderful, sweet, loving part of our family ever since she adopted us 13 ½ years ago.  As any pet owner will tell you it takes a tremendous amount of courage to not only say goodbye, but to also make the decision for when it’s time.  From the moment I knew I had to let my beautiful girl go, to the moment she died in my arms, to now as I adjust to walking into a house that feels empty without her presence I have experienced sadness, pain, and heartache from losing her. 

I’m sure these feelings are familiar to most people, pain is part of being human and we will all experience it at some point in our lives.  We lose ones we love, we get hurt physically and emotionally, and sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it to.  Pain may be inevitable but how we respond to it is a choice.

Someone once said “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” and if you’re like me when I first heard that saying, you may be tempted to argue with it.  I questioned how it could be possible because it seems like an unavoidable and automatic response to suffer when in pain.  What helped me to embrace this concept more fully was to clearly understand the difference between pain and suffering.  Pain is an experience, it’s something that is happening to us that has a beginning and end.  Suffering is something we create by making up stories in our mind of what the pain means.  And because they are stories, and not reality, they can continue indefinitely, even long after the experience of pain has ended.

By staying present with my sadness and not complicating the pain with stories of what I should have done or by resisting the reality of the moment, along with pain I have also experienced peace, happiness, contentment, and relief since losing Rosie. This may sound strange at first, but peace is possible with any loss when you make the conscious choice not to suffer as a result of it.

If the idea of experiencing pain, both physical and emotional, without suffering intrigues you, here are a few things to be mindful of next time you’re in pain.

• Face the pain with integrity, see it for what it truly is, and don’t struggle to turn it into something it’s not.   The way to do this is by looking directly at what is actually happening, without rejecting, clinging to, ignoring, or elaborating it.

• Don’t deny or push pain away.  Pain is, well, painful and it is a natural response to want to make it stop.  However, the more you resist pain the stronger it becomes and the longer it will stay with you. 

• Notice that it’s not permanent and don’t allow the pain to define you.  The moment you become the story behind the pain you open yourself up to greater feelings of anxiety, depression, restlessness, and anger.

• Breathe deeply…seriously this makes an extraordinary difference and is something we often forget to tap into when under stress.

Is it worth the time and effort to develop this practice?  My answer is a definitive yes.  When you aren’t trapped by stories and your choices aren’t defined by limiting beliefs, then that is when you can begin to experience true joy and freedom in your life.  And I believe that is worth aiming for.

Wishing you much joy!

Janna